Motherhood is a great challenge with great rewards. I've spent the last three days surrounded by vomit or poop in no given order and without deference to the other. Then came the pink eye. I feel terribly for my son, and I realize that he must feel awful. I also realize that I am exhausted. The last time I was getting four hours of sleep a night was when my son was a newborn. I have gotten spoiled by his ability to sleep through the night. I could feel my strength and patience wearing thin today. He had a great start...and did well at the Doctors. Then came the nap time which he only took during the 20 minute car ride home. My son sleeps generally 1 to 2 hours min for his nap. So I now had a tired, sick and hungry (but unable to eat without getting ill) son. This began an on and off string of tears and screaming and kicking for an hour or so. Now this outburst surely made me want to have an outburst of my own. There is nothing worse than not being able to make the illness of your child magically disappear. All parents know this.
Today was a test of my ability to not turn to food for comfort, or to turn to nicotine.
I succeeded in the nicotine round. I semi-failed in the food round.
Round two (aka food round) was a decent attempt though. I thought I really wanted nachos...so I got out the fat free beans, and the low fat sour cream. I didn't go captain insane-o with the cheese as I wanted desperately to do. I kept my calories within the limit for the day but I was lacking in both protein and carbs and WAY OVER in fat. Stupid, stupid lovable fat. I hate you. Why must you satiate my brain....because yes I know it's my brain you're after...and my love handles. You know I'm addicted to our poisonous relationship. Our love is a battlefield, and I want to get some boots made for walkin.
B is now asleep and I pray that he stays that way. I think I may burst a capillary if he wakes up again as he has the last few nights. Of course, smart mommy would be sleeping right now but I just want to enjoy some awake downtime. I need to be rested and do all that I can to make it in to work tomorrow.
Giant Sigh....Work. Our love is also a battlefield...sadly no boots made (unless they are attached to a gajillionaire) will allow me to walk away from you. I love my co-workers. I do not love my clients...for the most part. Accountability is lacking and that just irks me to no end. But c'est la vie. I am staring at the bid form, as we bid for shifts every 6 months based on rankings and various BS drummed up by the man to get our little ducks in a row ( for once I think I'll be a goose and see what happens ;) Anywho....I am staring at the bid and not loving what I am looking at. I think I found a shift that will work that I can live with. Well that not only I can live with, but me, my son, his dad, my mom and potentially a school facility. Planning is AWESOME.
It does however mean that the gym will not fit in my life for the next 6 months so now the choice is do I get sweatier on my lunch (he he) or do I invest in a piece of equipment for home and get dedicated to using it?
I guess we shall see what my tax return says haha.
PS. I am down 3 lbs since last week!
not to go all "I TOLD YOU SO" but hard work does pay off. you have taken great strides...and 3 lbs in one week is amazing! feel great. there is silver lining to an exhausting week. you have done amazing. keep it up and resist temptation love, you are doing so well!
ReplyDelete